


Unspoken

by Kylenne



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/F, Female Character of Color, Femslash, Femslash February, LGBTQ Female Character of Color, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-05
Updated: 2013-02-05
Packaged: 2017-11-28 06:27:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/671342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kylenne/pseuds/Kylenne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Normandy's sudden, abrupt silence is difficult for its Chief Engineer to handle. Filling that silence is even more difficult for her to handle, where Commander Shepard is concerned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unspoken

Tali stood alone at her workstation, head bowed in concentration, eyes firmly on the holo display. It was deeply unnerving to work in such silence, without anything to block out as she tried to focus. Quarian ships were never quiet like this. There was always the sound of creaking bulkheads to keep you awake at night, the choking sound of old thrusters, the neighbor couple's baby crying in the next compartment carrying through thin, corrugated walls. The original Normandy wasn't even this quiet, and back then on pilgrimage, Tali thought she'd never get used to the sound of her own footsteps echoing back at her.

This was a thousand times worse. This wasn't just silence, this was...quiet desolation. Everything was so empty, with just the specialists on board. There Tali was, alone with the machines and the Normandy's systems. That bosh'tet Ken wasn't making any lewd remarks, and Gabby wasn't smacking him upside the head. There wasn't any laughter or joking to make the work go by faster, or breaks for Skyllian Five. The only sounds she heard now were the low hum of the drive core in front of her, and the furious tapping of her own fingers against the panel. She stared at graphs and numbers sliding down the screen, clicking holographic buttons, coalescing data, running diagnostics. It was something to focus on, something to take her mind off the horror encroaching on the edge of her consciousness. Something to distract her from the guilt.

"Hey, Tali."

Tali jumped a little, startled, and looked up sharply. She relaxed as quickly as she'd tensed up, when she saw Shepard leaning against the panel beside her. The ever-unflappable Commander Shepard, as calm and strong as she always was. Nothing seemed to shake her; she always had a plan. She always knew what to do. She never wavered, never faltered. Tali took comfort in that strength, in the warmth of her concerned expression. Shepard always made her feel better without saying a word.

But of course, that wasn't why she came down there. She was just doing her rounds. She'd want a report on how the ship was running. Tali had to focus. "Hey. Sorry, I was just running some more diagnostics."

"How's everything looking?" Shepard asked.

"The new defense systems are fully functional, including the cyclonic barrier," Tali began, pulling up the schematics on her display for Shepard to see. "Just remember it's not any good in a protracted fire fight, and it should be fine. The Reaper IFF's also been fully integrated, and should be operational whenever you want to hit the relay. I had to make some fairly tricky adjustments, but EDI was really helpful." Tali paused, wringing her hands a little. "Shepard, are you sure...?"

"I understand your concern, Tali," Shepard replied. "But EDI's had plenty of opportunity to hurt us, and she hasn't. She's as much a part of this crew as any of us, now. I don't think we've got anything to worry about."

Tali exhaled. "Alright," she said, closing the display. "Well, the Normandy's as ready as she'll ever be."

Shepard's golden-brown eyes fixed on hers in one of those typically penetrating stares that seemed to see right through her mask. "And what about you? Are you okay?"

There were a thousand words falling over each other in Tali's head at that question, so many answers she couldn't seem to find or wasn't able to make sense of. "Everyone's gone," she said quietly. "Ken and Gabby are gone, and it's my fault. I got careless and the Collectors walked right past our defenses. I knew that IFF was a trojan, I just knew it! I should have been able to detect it when we were doing the initial security sweep--" 

She was startled right out of her torrent of self-recrimination when Shepard placed a hand on her shoulder. It was so warm, even though the thick lining of her suit, and Tali found herself thankful for the thousandth time that Shepard couldn't see her expression. And for probably the first time ever, she was relieved that Shepard couldn't feel the goosebumps on her skin.

"It's not your fault, Tali," Shepard said softly. "The Collectors played us. They knew we needed that IFF online to come after them, and they set a pretty damned clever trap. It wasn't anybody's fault."

Whenever Shepard said things like that, when the touch of her hand was so comforting and the look in her eyes so reassuring, Tali could almost believe them. Almost. "I should be better. I'm supposed to be better," she muttered, her head lowered. "First it was Freedom's Progress, then it was Haestrom, and now this. What good am I if I can't keep anyone safe?"

Shepard's thick lips curled into a smile that made Tali's knees feel like they were turning to pilgrim paste. "I seem to recall you kept me pretty damn safe on the Alarei, when I screwed up that charge. Or maybe I just hit that Prime a little too hard and I was seeing doubles of my own shotgun."

Tali giggled, despite herself. It was impossible for her to kick herself for any length of time around Shepard. "You do know we don't actually have cybernetic implants that interface with our suits, right? That it's just an urban legend? That Claymore would shatter my arm," she said. "Besides, it's the Eviscerator, or nothing at all."

"You always were a little trigger happy." Shepard grinned.

"First rule of shotgun club," Tali said. "There's no such thing as 'trigger happy'."

"Says who?"

"Me. I'm the president."

To her surprise, Shepard pulled her into a tight hug. "We're gonna get through this, Tali, and we’re coming out on the other side. Don't worry."

Worrying was the last thing on Tali's mind then, because all she could think about was the warmth of Shepard's body heat against her suit, and the faintly sweet scent of Shepard's lotion drifting into her helmet through its olfactory filters. Her heart was pounding so quickly she thought it might explode.

It was that same feeling she got whenever Shepard smiled at her, whenever she passed her in the corridor, whenever she'd sneak down to the observation window and watch Shepard do her morning workouts in the shuttle bay. It was so easy to forget about the mission when she looked at Shepard, to think of nothing but her beautiful eyes, and the way her uniform clung to the soft curves of her body, and the way her dark skin glistened with sweat after combat. It was so easy to lose herself in those moments, those feelings.

That was what made them so very dangerous. Shepard was Tali’s Captain, and the mission was the most important thing. The ship, and her friends, came before everything else--especially her own foolish infatuation. She couldn’t be selfish. Distractions like that could get people killed, and Tali had screwed up enough on that account in the past few months. Shepard didn’t need any more drama or complications, and neither did Garrus or Thane.

“You sure you’re alright?” Shepard asked softly. “Cause if you need to talk about anything, I’ve still got a little time before I’ve got to go back upstairs.”

Tali froze, and tensed up. Did she--? “Yeah, I’m fine. I should probably do some more last minute system checks, maybe one last stress test on the fusion plant,” she babbled, flustered. Her words trailed off, and she pulled away from Shepard.

“Okay. I’ll let you work,” Shepard said. “ETA’s about two hours, so be ready.” She smiled at Tali one last time, and Tali could already feel her heart shattering into a thousand pieces before Shepard was even out of sight.

“Keelah,” Tali muttered to herself, returning the holo panel when Shepard was gone. “I’m never ready.”

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in the same timeline as all my Mass Effect fic, so the Shepard in question is Imani (as usual), who is in a polyamorous relationship with Garrus and Thane.


End file.
